A Thank You Letter To My Ex And Our Failed Engagement
For the past 2 years I have sat back and regretted many relationships in my past. I always thought to myself why I put myself through those painful relationships and let them last so long. Then I started thinking about “the one that got away”. I’m one of those girls that always wanted to get married young so when I met the guy I thought was my dream guy, my soul mate, I locked him down fast. We got engaged after being together 4 months when I was just 18, we moved in together 2 years later, and 4 months later we ended our 3 year roller-coaster of a relationship. I never really got closure because it was such a toxic relationship,so to me it wasn’t worth the tears or even thinking about ever again. But lately, I’ve been thinking about how that 1 guy, that 1 relationship has changed me so much. And to that I want to thank my ex.
“Thank you. Thank you for being a part of my life at some point even if it was just a few years. I believe that certain people come into our lives to change us and make us better, and for me you were one of them. You taught me how to be strong while I was emotionally and verbally abused. You taught me that my anxiety is hard for certain people to handle and I understand and that it will take special people to love my flaws and know it’s not me being “dramatic”. I’d rather be loved by special people than ordinary people. Surprisingly because of all this you changed me for the better, who I am today because of all that is a better version of myself than I was even just 2 years ago. I know how to stand my ground now. I know what it’s like to be conditionally loved and learned to run from those relationships. I know what it’s like now to love someone but yet not be in love with that person.
Thank you. Thank you for proposing to me at the age of 18 and thank you for letting that engagement fail. Back then I thought the day you got on one knee was the best day of my life, boy was I wrong. I realize it was the complete opposite. I realize now that all that happened that day is nothing I want when I fall in love with the right person. I learned that I wasn’t ready to be a wife, and lets be real, won’t be for a while because it’s a lot of work. Because of our young engagement I learned what it felt like to have everyone in my life turn their backs on me because they didn’t support us. I’m glad our engagement failed mainly because I know what that heartbreak feels like. I know what it’s like to plan your entire future and have it all taken away. I know how to prevent those feelings ever happening again. In all honesty, I’m glad it all happened because it’s another life experience that helped me grow and mature to the woman I am today.
Thank you. Thank you for all the fights, the bickering, and the embarrassing public uproars. Without those arguments we would have never known how wrong for each other we were. Those fights, that relationship changed me. I learned since then what actions are worth the fight and what ones are. I’m sorry I never learned during our relationship but I know now. Those arguments, those big traumatic scenes where my anxiety got the better of me has made me a better partner. That one time I got mad at you for hugging another girl? That never happens now because you made me realize guys can have girls as friends too. I guess I can say the fighting has matured me but really its the pain those fights caused me that have matured. The nights I lay in bed crying making me realize I never want to go through that again. So yeah, our toxic relationship changed me and for that I thank you and I’m sure my future husband thanks you too.”
In the end, we didn’t make it as a couple or as friends and I’m ok with that. Its relationships like this that we put ourselves through because we know they make us better people, they help us lead our lives in the right direction. To be able to get closure is the most important thing you can do for yourself. So girls, when you’re sitting back thinking about revenge on your ex take a minute and really think, is it worth it? I mean they did after all help shape you into the beautiful woman you are today and lead you to your future hottie of a husband. So we can’t stay mad at our pasts forever, so remember when you need closure, in the words of the great L.C., “I want to forgive you and I want to forget you.”