Some Uber drivers are the coolest, chillest people you will ever meet, but some Uber drivers are clearly the mayor of Creepsville. Some Uber drivers leave you wishing you had just stayed home and stared at the wall rather than get yourself into a situation where you needed to call some stranger to come drive you home. These are the 18 stages of having an annoying Uber driver:
(18.) It’s Saturday night, the feeling was right, and you did what you always end up doing— getting blackout drunk.
(17.) You finally accept that you’re maybe not sober enough to drive yourself home, and you’ve seen enough Lifetime movies to know that trying to drive drunk never turns out well, so you turn to your last resort – Uber.
(16.) After the longest five minutes of your life, you finally get a text that your Uber driver has arrived.
(15.) The text says your Uber driver has arrived in a black car, but when you look around, there are like fifty black cars, so you try to discreetly peek into all the windows, looking for anyone who looks remotely Uber-driver-ish.
(14.) Your uber driver will finally get tired of watching you stumble around like an idiot and roll his window down to let you know which car is his.
Thanksgiving reminds us to be humble and grateful for things we take advantage of daily; family, friends, food, cars, money, etc. It’s important to prioritize the intangible blessings like having your sisters as a shoulder to cry on or your parents to pick up your slack, but let’s not forget the little things. This light-hearted list of “blessings” should hit home for every college gal out there (hopefully…because that would be awkward if it was just me.)
12. Uber. How the hell would you get from the pregame to the party without it? Remember all the times the driver handed you the aux cord.
11. Drunk Taco Bell. The palace of regret and satisfaction, T-Bell will give you the Crunch Wrap Supreme you deserve after funneling that wine like a champ at the frat party.
10. Liquor with less calories. You don’t feel guilty shooting back that last round of whiskey before heading out because at least you’re sparing a 400-calorie-beer belly and can still wear that cute crop top.
9. Boobs. Something about them makes guys bow at our feet. Free drinks at the bar, free dinners, fire Insta selfies… boobs are kind of like backstage passes.
8. Sticky boobs. We would NOT get away with that backless dress for Vegas or that low cut halter top without these bad boys. Thanks for letting us wear less clothing than ever before, chicken cutlets.
7. 50% off sale on Tobi like…all the time. Thank goodness there are 5,000 dresses and rompers that would work perfectly for formal in three days… and I don’t have to spend my entire paycheck on them either. I can save some for the alcohol I’m going to pregame with.