10 Stages of Being Drunk As Told By Bob’s Burgers

The show Bob’s Burgers, much like your drunken escapades, is a cacophony of hilarious mishaps between people who love each other, set for the purpose of having a great story to tell. The correlation is undeniable- so why not use it represent your next night out?

These are the 10 Stages of Being Drunk… As Told By Bob’s Burgers.

 

10. When You’re Planning Your Night of Debauchery

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9. When You Take The First Drink

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8. When You Feel That Slight Buzz

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7. When You Burst Into Silly Drunk Mode

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6. When Drunk You Becomes Everyone’s Best Friend

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Why You Should Be Cutting Out The Bad Friend

Call this a blog post. Call it a PSA. Call it an article on the ins-and-outs of friendship.

Whatever you see it as, call it a message that needs to be HEARD.

attention

 

I have one particular issue that people around their mid-twenties (girls, especially) seem to continuously encounter, whether it hurt you in the past, bothers you daily, or keeps popping up in your life like a flower you’re allergic to. This rant is on the issue of cutting off friendships.

We all have that one friend, usually from high school or college, who you were just BESTIES with. You did everything together, the Bert to your Ernie without all the rubber ducky mumbo-jumbo (or perhaps even with it, after a night of tequila shots and childhood reminiscence- we’re not here to judge.)

rubber duckie

 

You were inseparable. You were sisters. You were each other’s secret keepers, confidants, and best friends. And when graduation came, you promised each other that nothing would change, you pinky-swore to the sky that your friendship, solid as diamond, would remain intact.

Well, kids… people grow up. Jobs happen, marriage happens, babies, new cars, more degrees, other friends, addictions, illnesses, new hobbies—they HAPPEN. And one day, two years or ten years after graduation, you wake up and realize the solid friendship you once cherished has crumbled.

This is when it’s time to take a good look at your life and evaluate who deserves to be in it.

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Now, listen.

There are two kinds of people in every relationship.

myself and hummuss

 

I’m talking about the leader and the follower. The one who tries and the one who complies. The top-tier and second-tier. There is always, in every relationship ever established, a person who cares more than the other. And you my friend, if you are reading this article, are probably on the side of the follower. The trier. The second-tier. (Sorry to break it to you.)

Why else would you have clicked on a ramble-rant about letting go of the dead-end friendship?

It’s okay, though. These types of people are the ones who have many friends because they excel in keeping friendships afloat. You’re exceptionally good at planning and getting people to open up about their feelings. You’re the comfort friend- and that’s a good thing.

friend family

 

What’s not okay is when your efforts are unappreciated and unnoticed. Now, admittedly, I’ve been both of these types of people. I’ve been strung along by someone I called my best friend, spending years putting in effort where it wasn’t appreciated or acknowledged and got my heart broke time and time again from it AND I have, admittedly, been the friend who keeps a person around simply because I’m too nice to say ‘hey- this was fun. But we had our run. See you around!’ to someone’s face.

Consequently, you either get hurt or hurt other people when you are in either of these positions. This is why you should CUT IT OFF NOW.

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Think of the person you’re spending all your time and energy caring about- the one whom you pictured when you read the title of this article. YOU ask about their life, YOU invest your time and effort into their problems, YOU go out of your way to see and love them because YOU are a good friend.

Now do yourself a favor and cut the dead weight of a long-gone friendship away from your positive well-being and LET IT GO.

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This will be hard.

Yes, you will have memories you cherish. YES, you might see each other around or at gatherings years from now- yes, you will reminisce. I’m not saying you have to tell them everything you hate about them and leave the scene a bloodbath. I’m not saying that not being close now invalidates the friendship you once had, either.

What I am saying is… now? Now, you’re upset because you’re not the way you guys once were. You’re not putting in equal effort, you’re not feeling the same sentiment about each other that you once did. You’re a shadow of your former selves, holding onto them because they remind you of a part of the past you love, not because of how they positively lift you up, now.

never forget

 

This is damaging for multiple reasons, but the forefront of them is the simple fact that YOU are holding onto something and someone who simply doesn’t want you to grip them so tightly anymore and that realization is PAINFUL. It hurts and it’s hard, but that’s what it is.

And you’re worth more than that. We all are. Life is short and adventurous and messy and sporadic and dammit, it’s hard enough without having to put in effort where effort is certainly not deserved.

happy

 

In the long run, you will be happier. What’s the quote about being precious with your time? Be fiercely protective over it. Be very selective about who you spend it on because it is a finite amount that you will never be able to find more of. This is an attitude I’m trying to put forth in my everyday and you should, too. Be better than a person who lets other people take their time and effort and concentration from them. Make sure you’re a priority in the lives of those you care about. Spend your moments on people who make you feel like you MATTER because you do.

I know I’m going to.

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10 Honest Reasons You’re Scared of Breaking Up

Whether you’re contemplating cutting ties or you’re losing sleep thinking he’ll do it, there’s a few aspects of your relationship you’re not ready to admit you can’t walk away from. No matter how toxic you are for each other, honestly, you’re putting off the break up because…

10. You’re too comfortable to start completely from scratch. After all these months of dumping every secret out, sleeping on his chest, and cooking with his mom, it’s terrifying to consider throwing that all away to start all over with a stranger.

9. You don’t want everyone questioning you. Once the Facebook relationship status changes, you’re phone is going to blow up with the same two texts; “Omg what happened?!” and “Are you okay?” Neither of which, you care to talk about 5 minutes after it happens.

8. What if he blasts those pictures? He’s a good guy…and he knows those lingerie pictures were only for him… but what if the break up brings out his spiteful side?

7. You don’t want to be alone. Admittedly you’ve pushed your BFF down to second string, and those 2am drunk calls or those 4am depressed calls have been fielded by your boyfriend for a while now. Even if you’re fighting and he’s calling you every name in the book, you’d rather listen than not talk at all.

6. You’ll seem less than perfect. All those #relationshipgoals pictures suddenly mean nothing. You’ll have no boyfriend for your friends to be jealous of and everyone will watch as you fall out of your fairytale5

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What Your Favorite Holiday Says About You

Arguably, there are eight major holidays that people tend to consider their favorites. This is what the world thinks when you say the following:

8. If Your Favorite Holiday is… New Years Eve:

You’re all about beginnings and potential as you are probably a really positive person. You take genuine delight from the magic New Years brings with the chance at starting over. You’re a list maker and goal-setter… and probably look fantastic in a sparkly dress.

new years

7. If Your Favorite Holiday is… Valentine’s Day

The only thing you love more than being in love is the idea of love itself. You burst with affection for everyone in your life, and you show it most on Valentines Day. Your favorite color is warm… pink, red, maybe even orange. You have an acquired taste for those little chalk-flavored hearts with cute sayings on them… and probably look fantastic in lipstick.

valentines

6. If Your Favorite Holiday is… St. Patrick’s Day

You like to get drunk… a lot. But that’s okay because what else do people do on St. Patrick’s Day (which you probably affectionately refer to as St. Patty’s)? You most likely have Irish in your bloodline, which makes the holiday that much more exciting because you can claim it for your own. And as for wardrobe? You wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything but green on this holiday… head-to-toe.

Bonus: Definitely check out the St. Patty’s celebrations in Savannah and Chicago… there’s nothing like it.

st pattys

5. If Your Favorite Holiday is… Easter

If your favorite holiday is Easter, chances are, you’re incredibly family oriented… because Easter is typically a family holiday. You probably go to church fairly often and genuinely enjoy spending time with your extended relatives, who are all super close with each other. You love the fluffy marshmallow taste of peeps and finding easter eggs in the yard (even at this age). It is likely that your favorite season is spring and you look adorable in pastel… which comes in handy this time of year.

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13 Reasons Your Dog Would Make The Best Sorority Sister

Every time you go home for the holidays you wish your dog could live in your sorority house. I mean they are your best friend and companion no matter what so why shouldn’t they be your sister too? They’re already considered a part of your biological family.

13. They love the holidays just as much as you and your sisters do. 

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They will gladly don their gay apparel, eat some figgy pudding, play with their dog toys all day, and nap while you freak out over new shoes, chocolate, and sorority sweatshirts on Christmas, Hanukkah, or even your birthday.

12. They’ll always be happy to see you when you get home. 

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When you’ve had a long day of classes, chapter, and work who better to come home to then your best dog friend? They will always be waiting with a smile and a big kiss.

11. They never miss the chance for a good photo-op. 

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Whether it’s your lemonade stand fundraiser for the local hospital or a powder puff football game to raise money for the Girl Scouts they will be there and ready for their close-up.

10. They’ll always eat pizza with you whether it’s at 1 pm or 2 am. 

pizza dog

They know as well as you do that every time is pizza time whether it’s breakfast, lunch, dinner, or a case of the late night drunchies. They will eat your crusts or share the whole pizza with you and they won’t even care if you get pizza sauce on the bed. In fact they’re happy to help you clean it up.

9. They understand the importance of getting your beauty sleep. 

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They love to be active but also know the importance of slowing down sometimes. If you curl up on the couch and fall asleep they will be right there with you ready to nap the day away. It’s important to take time to relax and they’ve taught you that.

8. They share your obsessions. 

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Us sorority girls like a wide range of activities so just know whether you like football, Star Wars, or crafting that your dog will be right there with you watching and taking part in your obsessions.

7. They’ll always go to the gym with you or on a run to their favorite dog park.

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You know if it’s in the area. Or even ten miles away. I mean that’s totally doable right? You do want them to socialize and make new friends don’t you?

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Why Getting Your Little Is The Best Christmas Present Around

Getting your little is a very special occasion. There is a lot of build-up involved with all the crafting, drinking, theme choosing, activity planning, and pairing. You may even be wrapping yourself up in Christmas wrapping paper to surprise your little with your presence upon your reveal. There are numerous reasons why getting your little is just like sorority Christmas for all the future bigs out there waiting.

I’m here to name just a few:

10. They’ll be in your life forever. 

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Because it’s not just four years… it’s for life. You’ll love them forever and like them for always of course. Whether she transfers, loses sight of her purpose, or makes some bad decisions along the way, you’ll be there for her.

9. She will always give you the best advice. 

big lil 4

You might be her mentor, but she can teach you a thing or two as well. You most likely will be very close in age, so you will share similar experiences but have different takes. She may be good at knitting whereas you may be a pro at random football facts and history. Sharing with each other will only help the both of you become better people and sisters. The big-little relationship is all about this growth as sisters, students, community members, and individuals!

8. She will be there for you through thick and thin. 

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Whether you break up with your boyfriend, fail your midterm, break your leg, or have a big fight with your girlfriend, your little will be there for you because you would do the same for her. Just like your biological family, you would drop anything to help your sorority family.

7. You’ll get to share them with the rest of your sorority family! 

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Your big, grandbig, and great grandbig will be just as excited as you to meet the new addition to your family! They will always be there to teach you how to be the best big you can be to the perfect little.

6. She will always compliment you when you really need it. swim

Sometimes you just need to hear that you look great in that swimsuit or that your little black dress does not make you look fat. Whether you’re feeling down or have gained a little winter weight from all those holiday cookies, she always thinks you look absolutely fantastic.

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A Letter to my Parents Who Didn’t Want Me Going Greek

Dear Mom and Dad,
I owe you a sincere thank you for everything you have done for me.  You have given me the world and I feel so blessed for it all.  I know me going off to college was very new and scary for both of us but I hope you now know that that was what was best.
You have always been my biggest support system but I know me joining a sorority was something that was very hard for you to support.  I understand the concerns.  I know the stereotypes that society gives to Greek life.  I know you were just looking out for me.  So I thank you from the bottom of my heart for trusting my judgement.
I know the beginning made you nervous.  You were worried about my academics and my sanity and I completely understand that because I was too.  But I know that you gave things time to get settled and I’m very grateful for that.  I hope you know that as independent as I try to be, I needed your blessing.  I needed to know that you understood why I was going Greek and supported that it was a good thing for me.  Because no matter how old I get, your opinion will always mean everything to me and I will always need you both.
But what I need to thank you for the most is being there through everything.  When I call you excited about the new position I received or crying from the stress of recruitment, you always pretend to know what I am talking about and support me no questions asked.  You both have been my saving grace in my crazy world and the consistency that keeps me going.
I hope you now see that joining a sorority was the best thing to ever happen to me.  It changed me for the best and gave me a second family.  It provided me the opportunity to grow as a person and a leader while teaching me that it is okay to let go every once in a while.  You both raised me to be the person I am today and my chapter taught me how to be my best self.
So for everything you both do for me, I thank you.   For all the crying phone calls, much needed trips home, and help on my homework, I could not have made it through without you.
Love always,
Your daughter
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Why I Choose Not To Go Out In Public With My Family

Every young person believes that they have the most embarrassing family known to man. In my opinion, my family is fun and completely easy going only when they are behind closed doors. Take them out in public, and you will understand why I choose not to tag along on our family outings. It is not when we are all together in public. My family members only act up so to say when it is just me and that one family member.

Mommy Dearest

My mom is the cutest old lady with the sassiest mouth. She loves her music and her favorite dance move is when she tries to attempt the signature chest pump that Beyonce does in her Crazy In Love video. Say we are out at the store and the store just happens to have music playing and my mom decides that she likes the song that is playing over the intercom. WATCH OUT EVERYBODY because she will then turn the isles of the store into soul train and she will dance down them until I bring her back to reality because my mom doesn’t care if people are watching her. Then if the phone rings is when I quickly find a section of the store that happens to be very far away from mommy dearest. When my mom gets on a phone call she is so loud I just can’t even. It is equivalent to her speaking into a mega phone so everyone can hear her. Don’t even allow her to laugh because people overseas will know that Angie’s mom is laughing all the way in Texas. I mean you could literally record her and she could fill in for a live studio audience.

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Daddykins

If my dad wants me to go run errands with him, that’s his way of us spending quality time together. You can easily spot us because we will be the father-daughter pair where good ole dad has either his arm around my shoulder or his arm is interlocked with me. Either way we are bound so the chance of an extra hot guy approaching me while we are at the mall is a negative eleven on a scale from zero to ten. God forbid that he loses track of me in the store that we are in. Instead of simply calling me on my phone he prefers to yell ” Angie Baby!!” across the store. Like can you not? In that moment I can either decide to walk directly out of the store, ignore him until he either stops or finds me, or answer him immediately.  All in all, I mix all three together. I quickly find my dad and tell him that we are leaving now while continuing to keep my head down so I don’t see anybody that I know.

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An Open Letter To My Younger Siblings

Dear little ones,

You will never realize how blessed you are until you’re given younger brothers and sisters. And when you’re the oldest of seven, you face many challenges being the first-born. I write you this so that you understand how significant you are to me. You’re my motivation, my first loves, my miniature soldiers- you’re my strength when I am weak.

There’s a lot that I never said to you growing up and I feel there are important things you should know..

First, I’m sorry if I didn’t give you enough attention. I know that you’re young, so you can never seek enough of it. I never meant to make it seem like I didn’t care. But understand that if I could be with you every second of the day, I would. Since I’m older, I’ll transition into adulthood before you. I have so many  responsibilities that you are still unaware of. So, know that it isn’t easy for me to grow up first and I’m still your big sister regardless of how much you see me.

Next, I’m sorry if I stole a lot of attention. As the oldest, I do get a lot of praise or recognition and it sometimes gets on your nerves. You’re the babies of the family and you still have growing to do before you embark on the real world. I’m the first to flock the nest which means mom stays on my case, making sure I have my life in order. But, pretty soon it’ll be your turn. Please don’t rush time, because you will value it as you grow older.

Forgive me if I set too high of expectations for you. As your older sister, I’m the one setting the bar for you as you become of age. You look up to me and will always picture me as your role model. For this, I have a lot of pressure to be the best and succeed at life so you know that it’s the same thing you should do. Don’t ever feel like you have to accomplish more than me, win more games, make more friends, or even make a better living. I want you to be the best you can be and I promise to follow suit.

Finally, as your older sister, it’s my job to be humble and to show you the ways of the world before you begin transitioning as well. It isn’t easy being the older sibling, but I know it isn’t easy being the younger sibling, too. You may not understand everything in life yet.

You still have so much ahead of you. But always remember, your big sister loves you and never think otherwise.

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Thanksgiving as Told by F.R.I.E.N.D.S

October is over, Halloween has passed, and now it’s time to prepare for Thanksgiving. I for one am ready to party like a pilgrim in a few weeks. Just imagining the turkey, the stuffing, and abundance of pies makes my mouth water. As an American, Thanksgiving is a big deal and the show F.R.I.E.N.D.S. knows exactly how to portray this amazing holiday.

Finally getting a break from school/work/life in general to just lay back and relax with family, and more importantly eat. 6f19e88584ae0b8d_8c.xxxlarge

When the whole family is together under the same roof you can’t help but get a little excited. 

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That is until that one weird cousin of yours starts annoying you and you start rethinking that excitement.

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Playing rock paper scissors with your siblings to decide who has to share their bed with grandma. 

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When your mom asks you to help cook one of the dozen dishes that will be served, but you totally mess it up.

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Staying Close With Your College Friends

Crashed on the floor when I moved in.
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stayed up too late and I’m too thin
We promise each other it’s til the end

Vanessa Carlton’s White Houses rings in my ears as I reminisce on the euphoric whirlwind that was my college experience. Late nights and long-term jokes, hard moments and learning to become adults together; as I type in my childhood bedroom, it’s almost too much to recall.

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            I am exactly the opposite of small town; in fact, I went to the largest high school in the state with a town population to match. I am eccentric, outgoing, and I make friends easily, without having to divulge too much information about myself because I tend to stay relatively guarded. It is easy to blend in when there are thousands around you; it is easy to standout when you’re used to competing in a crowd.

When I went to college, I had no intention of leaving part of myself in a new city. I loved my hometown (and still do, in fact); I spent the first 18 years of my life in the same bedroom of the same house, on the same street with the same friends. No changes meant no heartaches, and I was absolutely okay with that.

Grow up

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14 Signs you grew up in a Military Family

We are all #blessed to live in a country where people voluntarily sign up to defend out freedoms. They join one of the branches of the military in order to defend our country and we salute them for it every day (except not really because we’re civilians, but it sounds cool right?). The military culture is distinctive and expands into the family, affecting the spouses and children of military families’ lives. Here are fourteen signs that you know you grew up in a military family:

14. You don’t know how to answer the question “Where are you from?”

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Wait, where I was born, where I lived the longest, which place I liked the most? Please be more specific or my answer is about to be ten minutes long. Sorry not sorry.

 

13. When you start to think that living in one place for more than three or four years (one set of orders) is too long.

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You know it’s time to move again when you start to learn the back way to get to your favorite local restaurant. On to the next.

 

12. When you have spent at least one major holiday moving or in a lodge of some sort on base.

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You’d think it would make the holiday feel a little less festive, but at least your whole family was together for this one.

 

11. You have souvenirs from places you have never even been.

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Thanks for the t-shirt from Japan and the mug from Qatar dad, I totally have been there and will use them both daily??

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