10 Stages of Being Drunk As Told By Bob’s Burgers

The show Bob’s Burgers, much like your drunken escapades, is a cacophony of hilarious mishaps between people who love each other, set for the purpose of having a great story to tell. The correlation is undeniable- so why not use it represent your next night out?

These are the 10 Stages of Being Drunk… As Told By Bob’s Burgers.

 

10. When You’re Planning Your Night of Debauchery

fabulous

 

9. When You Take The First Drink

wine

 

8. When You Feel That Slight Buzz

charm

 

 

7. When You Burst Into Silly Drunk Mode

gene

 

6. When Drunk You Becomes Everyone’s Best Friend

love

 

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10 Things I Would Do After A Break Up

Clearly, I would cry a shit ton, sub-tweet the heck out of him, and listen to sad Taylor Swift songs like any girl would, but I would also immediately do these 10 things to help me cope and get back into the single life groove.

10. Burn everything. From his sister’s heels she let me borrow to his favorite hoodie… all up in flames along with the pictures I violently ripped off the wall. And his go pro he lent me for my sorority recruitment video.

9. Make a Tinder. Not only will it boost my confidence (hopefully, ha), it will introduce me to all the boys I’ve shrugged off at parties because of my ex.

8. Get a hobby. In a perfect world I’d just become a gym rat, but I love quesadillas and ramen noodles way too much. I’ll start scrapbooking or something instead of calling my boyfriend 50 times a day.

7. Save money. Not only are you no longer spending money on gifts and dates, now you have the option of flirting with guys so they buy you free drinks without feeling guilty about it.

6. Change my sheets. I don’t want to think of what happened in them. Burning the old ones.

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10 Classic Lies Drunk Girls Tell

I’m guilty, you’re guilty, we’re all guilty. Who cares if we fib a little bit, as long as we’re drunk and happy, right?

10. “I’m not that drunk.” She says as she trips over her own feet and spills her shot. 

 

9. “I’M SO DRUNK.” She says as she holds the same vodka cranberry she was holding 2 hours ago.

8. “I SnapChat-ted him by accident.” She says as he opens the 17th snap of the night without responding.

7. “I love being single.” She says as she swipes through Tinder between sips of her margarita.

6. “I haven’t had Taco Bell in forever.” She says as she pulls a Taco Bell receipt out of her purse while looking for her lipstick.

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Who Says You Need To Drink in College?

It’s no secret that drinking isn’t exactly scarce on college campuses across the nation. Some might even deem it as just another part of the “college experience”. That being said, I am in the middle of my second year of college and have never had a drink in my entire life. I was focused on school and sports in high school and never felt the need to drink. Similarly, I had formed an idea in my head that underage drinking was something that only “bad” kids did; I have since come to figure out that this isn’t necessarily the case.

bluto

That being said, this isn’t an article bashing those who drink; I  no longer have any problems with those who drink, that is the individual’s prerogative. I just won’t be doing the same and I expect others to be okay with that decision. I have come to realize that I am a rare breed, not entirely alone, but not in the majority by a long shot. I would, however, still categorize myself as a typical college student. I go to class, I eat in the dining hall, I’m in a sorority, and I binge-watch Friends when procrastinating studying for exams.

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Cristina Yang is the Little Voice in Your Head

You may not say everything on your mind (which is shocking because you seem to be right) but Cristina Yang knows how you feel, and isn’t afraid to say whats on her and everyone else’s mind. Here’s 13 times she tells it how you see it:

13)Every time you text LOL

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You are actually laughing, you just don’t find it necessary to let everyone know.

12) When a guy friend asks you what a girl is trying to say

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But like how should you know? Girls are confusing when they talk, you can’t keep up.

11) Getting invited to a party, and there’s not even snacks

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Doesn’t matter if its family, friends, some random person whose house you wandered into. There better be food or there won’t be you.

10) Being wayyyy to sober when you shouldn’t be

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Maybe you ended up in a fraternity basement before you blacked out, or studying for finals, or on a random Wednesday when school is just too much, or literally anything when you’re sober, and its terrible.

9) And then you make the final decision to start drinking

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Three words, all you need.

8) You held the door for someone and they say thank you

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You say “you’re welcome” but you know that you’re the true hero in the world.

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12 First-World Things To Be Thankful For

Thanksgiving reminds us to be humble and grateful for things we take advantage of daily; family, friends, food, cars, money, etc. It’s important to prioritize the intangible blessings like having your sisters as a shoulder to cry on or your parents to pick up your slack, but let’s not forget the little things. This light-hearted list of “blessings” should hit home for every college gal out there (hopefully…because that would be awkward if it was just me.)

12. Uber. How the hell would you get from the pregame to the party without it? Remember all the times the driver handed you the aux cord.

11. Drunk Taco Bell. The palace of regret and satisfaction, T-Bell will give you the Crunch Wrap Supreme you deserve after funneling that wine like a champ at the frat party.

10. Liquor with less calories. You don’t feel guilty shooting back that last round of whiskey before heading out because at least you’re sparing a 400-calorie-beer belly and can still wear that cute crop top.

9. Boobs. Something about them makes guys bow at our feet. Free drinks at the bar, free dinners, fire Insta selfies… boobs are kind of like backstage passes.

8. Sticky boobs. We would NOT get away with that backless dress for Vegas or that low cut halter top without these bad boys. Thanks for letting us wear less clothing than ever before, chicken cutlets.

 

7. 50% off sale on Tobi like…all the time. Thank goodness there are 5,000 dresses and rompers that would work perfectly for formal in three days… and I don’t have to spend my entire paycheck on them either. I can save some for the alcohol I’m going to pregame with.


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30 Slangs Drunk Girls Always Say

Throughout the course of Saturday night, as the alcohol goes down quicker, us girls start to have less of a filter of what they say out in public. I think we can all say we are guilty of saying five or more of these silly slangs while we continue to have drinks pouring.

 

30.) I’m not even that drunk

drunk girls

29.) “You look so cute!” *walks away* “omg why would she wear that”

oh thanks

28.) Where’s the funnel?

jack black

27.) I’m only good at beer pong when I’m drunk (Still is terrible)

blake lively

26.) Can we play Sorry by Justin Bieber, it is like totally my theme song

sorry by justin bieber

25.) Ew, I do not want to go there, they’re all weird. *goes and leaves being the flip cup champ*

chugging

24.) Are we going to the bar tonight?

shots poured

23.) What are we going to drunk eat later?

drunk eating 2

22.) I hate her, why is she here?

 i dont like you

 

21.) LOL, I just hooked up with him last night and she thinks their dating

  i regret nothing

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