10 Stages of Being Drunk As Told By Bob’s Burgers

The show Bob’s Burgers, much like your drunken escapades, is a cacophony of hilarious mishaps between people who love each other, set for the purpose of having a great story to tell. The correlation is undeniable- so why not use it represent your next night out?

These are the 10 Stages of Being Drunk… As Told By Bob’s Burgers.

 

10. When You’re Planning Your Night of Debauchery

fabulous

 

9. When You Take The First Drink

wine

 

8. When You Feel That Slight Buzz

charm

 

 

7. When You Burst Into Silly Drunk Mode

gene

 

6. When Drunk You Becomes Everyone’s Best Friend

love

 

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What Sports Mean to the Girl Who Hates Sports

It’s not just a word. Heck, it’s not even just something we’ll never play. It’s all about the…

Cute outfits. Yes, I want your jersey to wear as a dress with my white high top converse.

Cute pictures. “I’m going to cheer and hold up this foam finger in a sec, here’s my phone take an action shot.”

Drinking. If it’s a reason to slam tequila shots then hell yeah I’ll roll with it.

Flirting. Sports= boys. Lots of ‘em sweating and rowdy.

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13 Things You Tolerate With A Party Girl Roommate

My roommates signature move is to barge into my room unannounced, dive bomb my bed and straddle me as she yells, “LET’S F***ING PARTY!” We’ve been roomies for  two wonderful years, and it’s been quite an adventure. I party quite frequently, but I’m no match for her. If your roomie is a partier, here’s a few things you’ll have to get used to as the “responsible” one.

13. Hearing the post-game arrive at 3am on a Wednesday. The dollar beer special wasn’t enough to satisfy these party animals. They need to return to my apartment to blast “Fat Lip” by Sum 41 and crush another 30 rack before their 9am class tomorrow.

12. Picking her up from the party. Sometimes she drunk types the address wrong and sends me 6 miles in the opposite direction. Sometimes I pick her up the morning after the party.

11. Cleaning the sticky counter. After every pregame full of spilled shots and card games, I have to salvage what’s left of my card deck and wipe down the counter just to enjoy a bowl of cereal without my spoon sticking to the counter.

10. Listening to midday vom sessions. I’m just in my bed reading something for class and can’t concentrate because I hear my roommate dry heaving in the bathroom. Honestly, I’m used to it by now.

9. Dealing with drunk drama sessions. Without fail, she comes into my room every night when I’m dead asleep, crawls onto my bed and tells me literally every detail about the night whether I asked or not.

8. Not knowing if people are sleeping on your couch. Every morning I peek out my door to the couch to check if any drunkies passed out there, or if it’s safe to start making eggs in my towel.

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5 Signs You’re Drinking Too Much

We have all had that experience where we have a blast one night, wake up the next morning feeling like a piece of poo because you drank too much, and swear you’ll never again. Hopefully this hasn’t happened to you too many times my friend. Drinking too much can be hell on your body. Unless six months of recuperation from a liver transplant sounds like the ultimate turn up then bottoms up. Just to make sure all is informed here is how you can tell you’ve seen the bottom of the bottle too many times.

5. Alcohol Is Where The Heart Is

Yes the original quote is “Home is where the heart is”. Yet home is where all of your alcohol is. I mean yea we all have our bad days where we are sitting in class or at work and we think to ourselves, “That bottle of wine in the fridge is calling my name!” This is understandable since adulting is harder than we thought. You’re drinking to make yourself feel better after a rough day is also known as self-medication and that means you are abusing alcohol. So instead of getting tipsy right at 5 o’clock, try something else like karaoke or working out.

work drink

4. All By My Self

Netflix and chilling by yourself is one thing, but Netlfix, chilling, and drinking by yourself is a totally different thing. Not saying that having a glass a wine, Scotch, or whatever you prefer, when you get home after a long day is okay; you’re simply unwinding and that is understandable. Yet if you find yourself killing multiple bottles during the week by yourself you should probably ask yourself what is cause of this unhealthy habit.

drink for 1

3. Get On My Level

When you first started drinking, let’s say freshman year of college, you noticed that it took you next to nothing to make you hit the floor. Now that you have been in the game for a while, it seems that it takes a little more to make you stumble. If you and your friends drink the same number of drinks and they leave stumbling and giggling and you are walking straight full of awareness then this is a sign that your tolerance has grown. This can happen to people that tend to drink more regularly than others. You might want to take this a s a subtle hint.

high tolerance

 

2. Pregame At My House

In college it’s a ritual to go over someone’s house to listen to good music and get a little buzz going before we all head to the party, this is better known as pregaming. Like I said this is acceptable in college, in real life if your security blanket is a shot of whiskey before you head out before socializing it could be that you have social anxiety. This is actually a more common thing than people thought. Might want to look into a new blanket before this goes down hill.

drinks

1.”Remember When….” “Nope, Not A Chance.”

Do most social event s you’re at have alcohol at them? Probably so, You’d think that it is a regular thing for people to haul a 24-pack of Coronas into a house party, but mmmm maybe not so much. Social drinkers have been found to develop some not so fun health conditions so to the fact that they were drinking on the regular. If you are at social events more than most people and you are drinking at every event; you have become a regular congratulations! You can choose your prize, we have long-term health problems, heart attacks, or strokes. So take a break on the cranberry martinis and save your life. Hopefully you and the people you surround yourself with can now be well aware of drinking too much. You might not think that something couldn’t happen to you or your friends until it really does. Take responsibility, drink responsibly.

cant remember

 

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Who Says You Need To Drink in College?

It’s no secret that drinking isn’t exactly scarce on college campuses across the nation. Some might even deem it as just another part of the “college experience”. That being said, I am in the middle of my second year of college and have never had a drink in my entire life. I was focused on school and sports in high school and never felt the need to drink. Similarly, I had formed an idea in my head that underage drinking was something that only “bad” kids did; I have since come to figure out that this isn’t necessarily the case.

bluto

That being said, this isn’t an article bashing those who drink; I  no longer have any problems with those who drink, that is the individual’s prerogative. I just won’t be doing the same and I expect others to be okay with that decision. I have come to realize that I am a rare breed, not entirely alone, but not in the majority by a long shot. I would, however, still categorize myself as a typical college student. I go to class, I eat in the dining hall, I’m in a sorority, and I binge-watch Friends when procrastinating studying for exams.

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Finals Week as Described by Tumblr

The semester break is so close, yet so far away. Unfortunately, the worst week of the semester is approaching. Here is how Tumblr users are feeling about finals week:

Studying

This Tumblr user knows that when it comes to when you have to study, we truly don’t commit like we should.

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Binge Drinking

Studying for hours for a test that I still manage to fail makes me want to do a lot of things. Getting drunk is definitely one of those.


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Professors

“Your professors are your best resource.” Yeah, maybe if I want my death date to come a bit sooner.


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Going Home

Did you even get every thing done that day if you didn’t take a nap? No, is the correct answer, and finals week is no exception.


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Attire

It’s finals week. Nobody is showering or sleeping. There is absolutely no time to care about your appearance.
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15 Ways To Be The Chillest Girlfriend

It’s simple; guys like chill girls. When you’re down-to-earth and laidback, your relationship will be effortless. Here are some tips to saving your guy some stress and making him the luckiest guy around.

15. Watch (and understand) sports. It’s not enough to just look cute in a jersey. If you can take five minutes to grab your guy some beer and order a pizza, he’ll be thankful. Want to really impress him? Instead of surfing Instagram and waiting for the halftime show, sit down and root for a team. He’ll be surprised that you’re not just waiting for him to take you to the mall.

14. Handle your alcohol. More than once you’ll be “that girl” who throws up on her bae’s shoes and sprains her ankle after tripping in her heels. I’m just as down for a good time as the next gal, but keep in mind that guys think it’s a HUGE turn off if a girl is a sloppy drunk. Watching you throw up, stumble around or yell obnoxiously isn’t going to make a guy want to bring you home to his parents… or even to another party.

13. Drink beer. If you really can’t stand the taste of beer, then just follow the previous rule if you know what’s good for you. Guys appreciate when a girl can hang with the boys, pound back a brew and dominate in beer pong. It’s attractive to find a girl who lets her actions speak instead of being all talk. Take sips and sink cups- guys HATE hearing, “I only drink liquor.”

12. Dress sexy but classy. Your guy will go crazy if you wear a sexy outfit for a night out, but don’t go flaunting your goods to every guy on the block… especially when he’s not around. There IS a way to be sexy without being slutty. Don’t make your guy worry about who can see up your skirt or down your shirt.

11. Play sports and video games. They’ll either love letting you win or they’ll be really turned on that you’re actually some competition. Nothing is more attractive than a girl that doesn’t sit to the side and read a magazine while the guys are playing football at the beach. He won’t have to sweat keeping you occupied while he plays Xbox because you’ll be screaming into your headset right there with him.

10. Know when to dress up and when to dress down. You’ll be a buzzkill if your man invites you to an afternoon of day drinking and fishing and you’re consumed with holding your dress down against the wind and ruining your Steve Madden flip flops in the water. Be prepared.

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