Why You Should Be Cutting Out The Bad Friend

Call this a blog post. Call it a PSA. Call it an article on the ins-and-outs of friendship.

Whatever you see it as, call it a message that needs to be HEARD.

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I have one particular issue that people around their mid-twenties (girls, especially) seem to continuously encounter, whether it hurt you in the past, bothers you daily, or keeps popping up in your life like a flower you’re allergic to. This rant is on the issue of cutting off friendships.

We all have that one friend, usually from high school or college, who you were just BESTIES with. You did everything together, the Bert to your Ernie without all the rubber ducky mumbo-jumbo (or perhaps even with it, after a night of tequila shots and childhood reminiscence- we’re not here to judge.)

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You were inseparable. You were sisters. You were each other’s secret keepers, confidants, and best friends. And when graduation came, you promised each other that nothing would change, you pinky-swore to the sky that your friendship, solid as diamond, would remain intact.

Well, kids… people grow up. Jobs happen, marriage happens, babies, new cars, more degrees, other friends, addictions, illnesses, new hobbies—they HAPPEN. And one day, two years or ten years after graduation, you wake up and realize the solid friendship you once cherished has crumbled.

This is when it’s time to take a good look at your life and evaluate who deserves to be in it.

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Now, listen.

There are two kinds of people in every relationship.

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I’m talking about the leader and the follower. The one who tries and the one who complies. The top-tier and second-tier. There is always, in every relationship ever established, a person who cares more than the other. And you my friend, if you are reading this article, are probably on the side of the follower. The trier. The second-tier. (Sorry to break it to you.)

Why else would you have clicked on a ramble-rant about letting go of the dead-end friendship?

It’s okay, though. These types of people are the ones who have many friends because they excel in keeping friendships afloat. You’re exceptionally good at planning and getting people to open up about their feelings. You’re the comfort friend- and that’s a good thing.

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What’s not okay is when your efforts are unappreciated and unnoticed. Now, admittedly, I’ve been both of these types of people. I’ve been strung along by someone I called my best friend, spending years putting in effort where it wasn’t appreciated or acknowledged and got my heart broke time and time again from it AND I have, admittedly, been the friend who keeps a person around simply because I’m too nice to say ‘hey- this was fun. But we had our run. See you around!’ to someone’s face.

Consequently, you either get hurt or hurt other people when you are in either of these positions. This is why you should CUT IT OFF NOW.

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Think of the person you’re spending all your time and energy caring about- the one whom you pictured when you read the title of this article. YOU ask about their life, YOU invest your time and effort into their problems, YOU go out of your way to see and love them because YOU are a good friend.

Now do yourself a favor and cut the dead weight of a long-gone friendship away from your positive well-being and LET IT GO.

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This will be hard.

Yes, you will have memories you cherish. YES, you might see each other around or at gatherings years from now- yes, you will reminisce. I’m not saying you have to tell them everything you hate about them and leave the scene a bloodbath. I’m not saying that not being close now invalidates the friendship you once had, either.

What I am saying is… now? Now, you’re upset because you’re not the way you guys once were. You’re not putting in equal effort, you’re not feeling the same sentiment about each other that you once did. You’re a shadow of your former selves, holding onto them because they remind you of a part of the past you love, not because of how they positively lift you up, now.

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This is damaging for multiple reasons, but the forefront of them is the simple fact that YOU are holding onto something and someone who simply doesn’t want you to grip them so tightly anymore and that realization is PAINFUL. It hurts and it’s hard, but that’s what it is.

And you’re worth more than that. We all are. Life is short and adventurous and messy and sporadic and dammit, it’s hard enough without having to put in effort where effort is certainly not deserved.

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In the long run, you will be happier. What’s the quote about being precious with your time? Be fiercely protective over it. Be very selective about who you spend it on because it is a finite amount that you will never be able to find more of. This is an attitude I’m trying to put forth in my everyday and you should, too. Be better than a person who lets other people take their time and effort and concentration from them. Make sure you’re a priority in the lives of those you care about. Spend your moments on people who make you feel like you MATTER because you do.

I know I’m going to.

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Thoughts When Paying Dues

So, it’s that time again… chapter dues are posted.

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You’ve been dodging your Big’s ‘pay your sh*t’ texts all week and the last day has finally caught up to you.

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You look at your ‘payment due’ and lament the fact that you took the high road and offered to pay your own way through your sorority.

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You briefly wonder whether your pride is worth it… maybe you should just call Dad?

Dad

No. NO. You’re a strong, independent woman and you can DO THIS.

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Carefully, you open the details of your transactions. You read the outlandish charges on your account and begin the inner war with your past self.

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DAMMIT T-SHIRTS! YOU GET ME EVERY TIME!

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I mean did I REALLY need all those date shirts? He wasn’t even that much fun.

Plus, he ended up acting like a drunken fool and I had help him walk. It was like aiding a baby giraffe.

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You swear to yourself that you will never purchase another date shirt again… though, even in this moment, you know it’s a lie.

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Red Flags of a One Night Stand

College is all a learning experience.  Throughout your four years you will meet new people, lose old friends and develop new relationships.  For many people, a new type of relationship, and one of the shortest you will find, will form and this is the one night stand.  Whether you met him at a bar or he’s the cute guy from last semester’s history class, your relationship will only last you until the next morning when you can walk, heels in hand back to your room at 6am.  However, not everyone is always on the same page with this casual hookup.  So to keep things from ending poorly, here is a list of red flags for your next one night stand:
10. You have to be quiet because his mom is home- Now he deserves the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe he is just trying to save some money on rent but you do not want to wake up in the morning to his mom cooking you breakfast and asking what your intentions with her son are.
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9. He has a picture with his girlfriend next to his bed- Although it is just a one night stand, you really do not want to be the other woman.  While you may not owe her anything, the risk of the girlfriend calling him is enough to cause way too much stress.  You do not need that on your conscience.
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8. He tells you he is a virgin-  More power to him, he has waited to have sex and that is something most people don’t have the self control to do.  However, you do not want to be the one to take his virginity during a one night long relationship.  You don’t want the risk of making it more than it is.
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7. He takes you to his car, not a house- Maybe he is down on his luck and that is completely understandable.  But you do not want to be caught hooking up in a car with a stranger and certainly you are both too drunk to drive the car anywhere secluded.  At the end of the day, not a good idea.
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6. He has to tuck his kids into bed first- Good for him, he is clearly a very good looking older man and can pick up a younger girl.  However, he is clearly at a VERY different stage in his life than you are.  Plus you have no idea if his ex is crazy and you do not want to risk that.
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10 Upsides to Having a Long Distance Relationship

It has been said multiple times that long distance relationships never work out. Yes, they are hard and require a lot of work, but in the end sometimes, they are really worth the trouble and the worry that come with them.

10.  When you do see them, your face lights up like a Christmas tree. Putting in the effort is one thing after another, but finally seeing the person that you love dearly after months even years of not physically seeing them, is the most amazing feeling in the world.

9. In a long distance relationship, you develop a strong sense of trust that no one could ever break. In any relationship you have to have some trust, but in a long distance relationship that trust is not automatically given, it’s earned.

Do You Trust me

8. Your relationship is more than just physical. Having a physical relationship is hard when you are so far away from each other, but along with that comes a deeper more emotional connection.

7. Independence. Not having your significant other around all the time gives you more time to hang out with your friends and not be attached to your significant other. Learning that you don’t have to depend on each other is a great skill to have when you are apart.

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6. Learning to be creative when you can’t see each other. FaceTime and Skype were created for a reason, to communicate with people you cannot see often. Love letters and emails can also be alternatives to not seeing each other, it also brings a classic twist to your relationship.

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The 10 Worst Girls You Know

If you can make me laugh, you can be in my circle. If you’re any of these people below… you can’t. As my bestie’s ex bf once put it, “my treehouse is full” (and nobody has room for girls like this).

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10. The Drama Queen

This girl’s always startin’ something. If a friend says ‘nice shirt’, she probably assumes it was a back-handed comment about how her entire outfit sucks… and then tries to get you to talk sh*t about them for an hour.

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9. The Negative Nancy

Let’s be clear: this girl thinks EVERYTHING IS AWFUL. A boy smiles at her? UGH, HE WAS PROBABLY LAUGHING AT ME. Find $10 on the ground? UGH, I’M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO USE THIS ON RENT. Get invited to a party? UGH, THIS IS GOING TO BE SUCH A BAD NIGHT. You can’t win.

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8. The Girl Who Hates Girls

This girl doesn’t like you because you were also born with a double-X chromosome. Maybe she’s threatened? Maybe she’s jealous? Maybe you look better in a leather jacket than she does? There’s really no logical explanation.

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7. The Flirty “Friend”

This girl will flirt with your boyfriend right in front of your face and pretend she was just too drunk to know what was happening. Do. Not. Trust. Her.

bf stealer

6. The “Helpless Because I’m A Girl” – Girl

Nothing annoys me more than a girl who refuses to do anything for herself. ‘Help, I can’t do this hard task by myself! I’m a girl!’… ugh. This is not the 1920’s, okay? BELIEVE ME, boys, she knows what she’s doing. In reality, she’s the mastermind of us all.

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15 Signs You Were A Dancer/Drill Squad Member

For every dancer, dance is a way to find yourself and lose yourself. It’s a passion and a way of life, and pretty soon some habits consume you completely. Here are a few signs that you’ve been a dancer or been on a dance team before:

15. You critique any and every performance you see. There’s the good, the bad, and the ugly.

 

anigif_enhanced-24962-1398700464-914. You choreograph to almost every song in your head. It’s an unbreakable habit.

 

Tumblr_my64ydWDtI1ra3ghwo1_50013. Your favorite TV shows are dance shows. You watch them faithfully.

 

Ross-Friends-Tan-Line12. You’re familiar with getting those really bad tan lines and sunburns.

 

0193d4db49da5ee4c79a245f3368ef0511. You hoard all your dance t-shirts and outfits from high school. They’re yours and you treasure them.

 

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To Women Everywhere: Stop Waiting for Prince Charming

“It’s okay if your life isn’t going well.  If you wait long enough, your prince will come on his white horse and save you from the hell you’ve been living in.”  That is the message we all grew up hearing from Disney movies and fairy tales.  Now I love these as much as the next person, but they all seem to be missing one very important message: No one will come to save you until you are able to save yourself. One of the largest issues for women in our generation is that many of them are constantly waiting for someone else to give them the life that they wish for.  I cannot lie to you and tell you I have never done that before myself.  When those days come where nothing seems to be going right and I just want to change my name and start over, I hope that someone else will come fix all of my problems.  But that is the exact mentality that has been keeping my life stagnant and continuing to give me those days.

Flashback to my freshmen year of college.  As anyone who knew me then can tell you, I was a complete mess.  I came to college with very little real world experience and severe anxiety about what I was getting myself into.  However, what I did have was a huge crush on a boy back home.  We all have one of these, the guy that you know is completely wrong for you. You don’t even know why you want him, and your friends absolutely hate him.  But for some reason in your ignorant little mind, you need him.  So there I was, completely out of my comfort zone and madly in “love”.  I used this relationship to solve all of my problems.  I was homesick, stressed, and just extremely unsure of myself, but at that point all that mattered was that I had him because I thought he fixed all of that.  I spent over a year blissfully in love until he broke my heart and all of the problems that I thought he had solved were back and worse than ever.  But now in addition to that, I thought I couldn’t survive without him and no matter what I did, I still did not have him.  So I was then by myself with more problems than I began with.  If you talk to my freshmen year roommate and my sister, they can tell you I was a pathetic mess for an embarrassingly long amount of time (shout out to you two for being the real MVPs).  And then I had an epiphany: I realized that the fact that I was using a man to solve my problems only ended up causing me more.

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Why We Treasure Our Leggings And Oversized Tees

As much as we would love to wake up everyday and face life in some comfort colors and a pair of leggings, it’s not always socially acceptable. But it’s hard to turn away from them. So, if you’re anything like me, you’re going to understand the reasons why we treasure wearing our big letter t-shirts and our leggings- especially during the fall/winter season.

They’re called comfort colors for a reason, people. Our giant, oversized tees are comfortable. They’re the answer to a college girl’s prayers. We can wear them to sleep, wear them to class, wear them to parties (if you’re bold enough), and no matter what, you will be comfortable. We also pay a shit ton of money on them, so we shouldn’t let this good taste go to waste. Say yes to the dress, or should I say shirt?

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Now, let’s talk about leggings. We hold leggings so dear to our heart  They’re like a piece to our missing puzzle. Life wouldn’t be fun if we had to wear jeans or slacks everyday. Leggings are pants. They’re the pants for when you don’t feel like wearing your “big girl pants”. As long as you wear them the correct way, you can splurge all you want. This is simply our way of expressing ourselves through our clothes.

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Leggings are pretty great. I mean, they allow extreme flexibility, they’re comfortable, and they’re also versatile. You could wear them pretty much anywhere. You can pair them with just about any outfit. If you’re like me, you feel like you can take on the world in a good pair of leggings.

Sorry world, but we love showing off our greek affiliation. We take pride in our stitched letters and mandatory shirts. We earned them, right? Why not use and abuse them while we still can? Time flies, and soon you’ll be a alumnae making a quilt out of all these beautiful shirts.

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So don’t be afraid to dress to your little heart’s desire, ladies; wear that XL tee and those leggings with pride and soak up all of the time you have, before you actually have to start dressing to the standards of the adult world.

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Why I Chose Alpha Delta Pi

“I look around me and see a sweet life.” -Jessie J

There’s no limit to the amount of wonderful things I can say about my sorority. I love each and every one of my sisters and everything that Alpha Delta Pi offers me. I’ll try my best not to sound biased, but these are a few reasons why I’m proud of the amazing decision I made.

One thing I loved most about Alpha Delta Pi was the environment and atmosphere that surrounded me from day one of recruitment. From the first night to Pref Tea, I was impressed by how well ADPi presented themselves. I whole-heartedly wanted to be them. I seen a little bit of myself in every girl. They showed me how much of a family they were and how they all loved one another. There were no bad vibes or animosity. They were all genuine and welcomed me with open arms. I felt like I was wanted and appreciated.

I never felt like I had to force a conversation. Every girl that I spoke with truly took the time to get to know me and hear my story. They showed interest in me and helped me understand their organization. There were no rehearsed, timed questions and I loved that about them. Unlike the other houses, I felt like a person and not just a number matched with a face.

There wasn’t a time where I felt awkward or didn’t feel at home. From the first night I walked in the room full of fresh faces, I felt a connection to everyone. I didn’t have to pretend to feel comfortable or to enjoy myself, because I actually did. I was impressed by every story I heard and every skit that was performed. The girls never once made me feel intimidated or scared. They showed me their true selves, and that’s what I was able to give them in return.

I fell in love with the philanthropy. The Ronald McDonald House Charities is amazing nonprofit organization, and it made my heart happy when I heard how ADPi works directly to helping the health and needs of children in need. This made me want to be a part of them even more. Alpha Delta Pi raises and donates to these children and their families, and I think that is untouchable.

I didn’t feel the need to have to change myself or adjust. I already fit right in with everyone. I was three hours away from my hometown, but this place gave me closure and peace of mind. It gave me hope and faith in what my future holds.

When I was stuck in the dark, it was my flashlight. This place was where I belonged. It was my home away from home, and I know in my heart that this is where I am meant to be.

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How I Fell In Love With The Wrong Major

Since I could walk and stumble into a doctor’s office for my first check up, I’ve only dreamed of one day becoming a hero in scrubs. I wanted to live to keep others alive and healthy. I wanted to be a nurse.

I thought it was my purpose in life. I thought it was my dream career and the only thing that I was destined for. But, I was wrong.

From an outside point of view, being a nurse seemed like the absolute perfect profession. My job would be to make people better, serve as a health care promoter, and I would work daily to put back together what was fractured or broken. I was ready to meet the needs of others. I was ready to be someone’s hand to hold and shoulder to lean on. I was ready for a life devoted to caring for individuals, families, and communities. But, I was not ready for the commitment, emotional stability, and struggle that it took. 

Of course I knew it took time, hard work, and dedication. But I didn’t know exactly how much it would take. Since I was a freshman in high school, I was aware of the needed schooling, requirements, degree plan, etc. I had it all planned out. I picked my top three choice colleges to rank the top in nursing. I joined my college’s nursing organization on campus. I even had a Pinterest board of nursing quotes, lingo, and scrubs.
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20 Disney Quotes To Live By

No matter what age you are, Disney movies and shows will always have a soft spot in our hearts. I’ve thought long and hard for this and was able to put together 20 quotes from Disney movies (and 90s kids television shows) to live by.

20. Hakuna Matata, it means no worries, for the rest of your days.

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19. Never be normal! That’s the Ron Stoppable motto!

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18. Play nice with the other kids. Unless one of the other kid’s wants to fight, then you have to kick the other kid’s butt!

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17. And friends stick together until the end.

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16. You’ll never figure out who you really are if you’re too busy trying to be someone else.

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15. I know changing can be scary, but it’s a part of growing up. It’s how we find out who we are and who we’re going to be.

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Why Sisters Make the Best Roommates

Throughout my college years, I lived with six different sisters, all of various ages. The first one and I rushed together, actually, and wound up in the same sorority, a stroke of luck I am still thankful for.

we're sisters

 

Three of the six are still some of the best friends I have ever had, two I lived with for three years in a row, four of them were descending branches in my family tree. We were from all over the state and all walks of life, bound together by our love for our letters and each other; when you’re in a Greek system, it truly doesn’t matter where you’re from. It matters who you are. This was the reason that, even though most of them were younger than me or in different pledge classes, we still always maintained a close bond.

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