So Your Ex Cheated On You… Now What?

Let’s start with this, your ex sucks.  Whether you thought he was the love of your life or you two were just getting to know each other, his act of cheating without a doubt hurt you.  In no way was anything you did a contributing factor to his actions.  If he has the mentality to cheat, he will find a way to do so.  And most likely you are not really sure where to go from here.  While there isn’t a set timeline to help you get through this situation, there are some stages that most people go through when trying to get over a cheating ex.  Here are five stages that you are most likely to experience:
5. Sadness-  This is usually when you first find out.  Whether he told you himself or you unfortunately heard through someone else, the news is heart-wrenching.  This stage usually involves a lot of crying and overeating.  A large portion of this time is spent in bed surrounded by tissues and candy wrappers.
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4. Excuses-  Unfortunately, this is usually the time where you will make excuses for him.  You will tell your friends things like “Well I wasn’t the best girlfriend” and “He has been going through a really hard time” but deep down you know both of those do not excuse his actions.  You are trying to comfort yourself by downplaying the hurt.  And for now it works.
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3. Anger-  Let’s just say, during this period you are not your best self.  There is often a lot of screaming voicemails, name calling, and text messages in all caps but honestly he deserves it.  You are angry at him, at her and basically everyone around you but you have a right to be for now.  Let your anger out but make sure you are focusing it at the right people.
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A Goodbye to My Past Self

Dear Past Self,
Thank you for everything.  You have given me many wonderful memories and carried me through a lot of rough times.  You have been with me for many years now but unfortunately it is now time to say goodbye to you and everything that you represent to me.
For a while you were all that I had.  Growing up I relied on you for everything and you were always there.  I counted on you to bring me up when I was sad and to encourage me to reach further than I thought that I could.  And that was good enough for then but now it is time to move on.
You stayed strong for a long time through all of the stress I put you through but over this past year I have felt you breaking down.  I know I didn’t make it easy.  I had many negative thoughts, I brought people into our life that brought us down and I severely overworked us.  I am sorry for that and I thank you for staying with me.  But I know you are tired of struggling through.
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However, even more important, you kept me positive and strong enough to create this new person for myself.  You brought me to this place where I can finally let you go.  I can say goodbye to you and goodbye to all of my old insecurities.  I can leave behind my doubts about myself and forget the mistakes that I have made.  I can take down the limits and the barriers that I have set for myself and develop as a person.
So I say goodbye to you, my past self.  I thank you for bringing me to this new chapter in my life but its time that I move past the person that I once was and become someone new.  I hope to become a more confident and happy version of you.  I want to learn to relax and not take everything so seriously.  By letting you go, I will finally be able to grow.
You will always remain with me but its time for me to move on without you.
Me
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Red Flags of a One Night Stand

College is all a learning experience.  Throughout your four years you will meet new people, lose old friends and develop new relationships.  For many people, a new type of relationship, and one of the shortest you will find, will form and this is the one night stand.  Whether you met him at a bar or he’s the cute guy from last semester’s history class, your relationship will only last you until the next morning when you can walk, heels in hand back to your room at 6am.  However, not everyone is always on the same page with this casual hookup.  So to keep things from ending poorly, here is a list of red flags for your next one night stand:
10. You have to be quiet because his mom is home- Now he deserves the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe he is just trying to save some money on rent but you do not want to wake up in the morning to his mom cooking you breakfast and asking what your intentions with her son are.
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9. He has a picture with his girlfriend next to his bed- Although it is just a one night stand, you really do not want to be the other woman.  While you may not owe her anything, the risk of the girlfriend calling him is enough to cause way too much stress.  You do not need that on your conscience.
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8. He tells you he is a virgin-  More power to him, he has waited to have sex and that is something most people don’t have the self control to do.  However, you do not want to be the one to take his virginity during a one night long relationship.  You don’t want the risk of making it more than it is.
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7. He takes you to his car, not a house- Maybe he is down on his luck and that is completely understandable.  But you do not want to be caught hooking up in a car with a stranger and certainly you are both too drunk to drive the car anywhere secluded.  At the end of the day, not a good idea.
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6. He has to tuck his kids into bed first- Good for him, he is clearly a very good looking older man and can pick up a younger girl.  However, he is clearly at a VERY different stage in his life than you are.  Plus you have no idea if his ex is crazy and you do not want to risk that.
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Why Your Roommate is the Real MVP

College has given me many things.  It has given me an education, real life experience, and a best friend for life.  Roommates have a very special relationship that is cannot be found anywhere else.  If you are lucky, your roommate will be one of the best things that college can give you.  I have been lucky enough to have the same roommate since freshman year and she has taught me more about myself than I ever could have known.  She has knowingly taken on a huge part of my life (even though I am not always the easiest person to live with) and I am so grateful for that.  Here are some very important roles that your roommate takes on for you:
10. Best Friend- We all came to school with our best friends from home and the people we have grown up with.  While those people will remain in your life, your roommate will take this new role as your college best friend.  She is the one who understands your new life and is going through the same stress, home-sickness, and crazy nights as you.
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9. Mother- Moving away for the first time is hard.  You spent eighteen years being cared for and now you are away from home with only your roommate to care for you.  So sometimes she will cook and clean and console you while you cry but you will also do the same.
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8. Boyfriend- If your lucky, there will be a time when both you and your roommate will be single.  This is wonderful for going out and having fun but sometimes you still need someone to help you carry heavy things, kill spiders and open jars but will a little team effort, your roommate can help you fill that role too.
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7. Therapist- Every college student has a breaking point and if you are me, you pass that far too often.  So you have your roommate there to comfort you while you cry, analyze cryptic text messages and form words when you are just too angry to do so yourself.  She keeps you relatively sane in a crazy college life.
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6. Life coach- College is supposed to be a time where you can figure out the rest of your life.  You find internships, apply for jobs and try to make a five year plan but all of that is not as easy as it sounds.  Your roommate is there to help talk things out and to stress about the future with.
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The Life of a College Student Told By Meghan Trainor

Meghan Trainor sings my life. There are plenty of songs out there about love and parties, but only Meghan Trainor sings about the true college struggles of texting your ex at 3am and those boys who will just not make it official.  So here are all of the things you wish you could say to people in your life in the wise words of Meghan Trainor:
14. “We know that shit ain’t real, come on now, make it stop” to all those you later realized are not real friends.
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13. “So don’t you let their words try to change you Don’t let them make you, into something you ain’t…” to your friend who cares a little too much about what people think.
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12. “I’m sure he’s worth a lot of gold But you’re better than you know And he’s no good for you” to your friend who always seems to be dating an asshole.
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11. “I got a head full of melodies stuck in my brain” to your teacher when you are trying to explain why you don’t focus in class.
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10. “Kinda stressing like I’m gonna have a heart attack it’s Been an hour and you haven’t even hit me back” to the people who don’t answer your texts immediately.
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9. “Of course I like you Can’t you hear it in my voice?” to the oblivious boy that you have been flirting with for months and still doesn’t seem to get it.
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8. “You gotta know how to treat me like a lady Even when I’m acting crazy Tell me everything’s alright” to anyone looking to date me, sorry I’m crazy.
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A Letter to my Parents Who Didn’t Want Me Going Greek

Dear Mom and Dad,
I owe you a sincere thank you for everything you have done for me.  You have given me the world and I feel so blessed for it all.  I know me going off to college was very new and scary for both of us but I hope you now know that that was what was best.
You have always been my biggest support system but I know me joining a sorority was something that was very hard for you to support.  I understand the concerns.  I know the stereotypes that society gives to Greek life.  I know you were just looking out for me.  So I thank you from the bottom of my heart for trusting my judgement.
I know the beginning made you nervous.  You were worried about my academics and my sanity and I completely understand that because I was too.  But I know that you gave things time to get settled and I’m very grateful for that.  I hope you know that as independent as I try to be, I needed your blessing.  I needed to know that you understood why I was going Greek and supported that it was a good thing for me.  Because no matter how old I get, your opinion will always mean everything to me and I will always need you both.
But what I need to thank you for the most is being there through everything.  When I call you excited about the new position I received or crying from the stress of recruitment, you always pretend to know what I am talking about and support me no questions asked.  You both have been my saving grace in my crazy world and the consistency that keeps me going.
I hope you now see that joining a sorority was the best thing to ever happen to me.  It changed me for the best and gave me a second family.  It provided me the opportunity to grow as a person and a leader while teaching me that it is okay to let go every once in a while.  You both raised me to be the person I am today and my chapter taught me how to be my best self.
So for everything you both do for me, I thank you.   For all the crying phone calls, much needed trips home, and help on my homework, I could not have made it through without you.
Love always,
Your daughter
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Why Being a Rho Chi Gives You the Ultimate FOMO

There is glitter in the air, the faint sounds of chanting and crafts filling the room, this can only mean one thing, recruitment season is coming soon.  Whether you love recruitment or hate it, this is what every sorority girl lives for.  This is the happiest and most stressful time of year but in the end we all have the joy of receiving brand new girls.  While this time is clearly stressful for everyone, there is one group of people who rarely get thanked for making our lives as easy as possible.  We know them well, some may even be your sisters, but at this time, they are Greek Life’s Recruitment Counselors.
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This past semester, I had the honor of serving as a Rho Chi for my Panhellenic community.  While this was one of the most rewarding experiences I have had within Greek life, it was also the most severe case of FOMO that I have ever had.  For those of you who don’t know, Rho Chi’s are “disaffiliated” from their chapters for between one and three months and during that time, they are not allowed to be seen in public with their sisters or attend sorority functions.  This would be difficult for anyone but Rho Chi’s have a special love for Greek Life which tends to make it especially hard.
As any college student can tell you, they want to be part of everything.  In a perfect world, you would never miss a party, a dinner or any event and you would never have silly things like sleep and homework to hold you back.  But the life of a Rho Chi is all about watching from a distance.  You are at every Greek wide event and spend your time talking about sisterhood but all of it has to take place across the room from all of your sisters who have made your sorority experience so wonderful to talk about.  So you stand there and encourage wonderful new college women to join Greek life and long for the day that you can re-join along with them.
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The experience of being a Rho Chi provided me with many things.  It taught me a lot about recruitment and communication, it furthered my love for Greek life and my campus and it gave me the ability to learn a lot about myself.  However, it also showed me how lost I am without my chapter.  I realized that I missed sitting with them for meals, I missed going out with them, and I missed the small encounters with sisters that can sometimes just make my day.  My only saving grace during these times were the other wonderful Rho Chi’s including a few from my own chapter.  They became my home away from my sorority home.
While this was a relatively consistent factor of this experience, it began its peak during the actual week of recruitment.  The most difficult parts are sending girls to your chapter’s room and not smiling and cheering on your sisters, controlling the desire to recruit the girls you meet for your own chapter, and being on the outside of the always emotional preference ceremony.  All of these things together pull hard at your heart strings and cause you to love your chapter more than ever.
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While all of this FOMO is a short time hardship, it is all worth it in the end.  Helping younger girls to find their home, renewing the love you have for your chapter and running into the arms of all of your sisters at the end of the week makes this an experience that you will never forget.  If you are lucky enough to be a Recruitment Counselor for your campus’ Greek life, remember that although you may experience severe FOMO, you will be able to change lives and improve your community.  So stay positive and make the most of this amazing experience that few people get to have.

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Your First Real Job Interview Explained By Jess From New Girl

There comes a time in all of our lives where it is time to become an adult.  However, some of us are more prepared to enter that world than others.  But for most of us, we graduate college and don’t really know what to do from there.  We try to enter the real world as best as we can, but we are highly unprepared for that next step.  As we try to move forward in our lives and careers, the first step is to apply for real world jobs.  Now this isn’t the job you return to seasonal like in high school; I am talking about a full time, business attire, adult job.  If you are lucky enough to get passed the application process, a new beast emerges for you.  The interview.  This is not something that college taught us, but it is the learning process that you need to excel.  One of the few people that may understand this first struggle is Jessica Daye.  She is quirky, awkward, and doesn’t quite know what is going on but that is what makes her exactly like us for our first interviews into the real world.
16. When you first get a call for an interview and they ask you if you are interested.  Of course you are interested because you have been out of school for who knows how long and are beginning to have a life crisis so you start to beg.
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15. When your friends ask you why you want this job: Basically because nothing is going right in your life, and you are hoping this job will magically turn you into an adult, no matter how boring and professional it is.
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14. When your friends are helping you prepare for the interview and they basically tell you how you should not be yourself at all.  You may be wonderful and weird but that’s not what they want on your resume.
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13. When you are getting ready for the interview but not ready to be an adult so you just sit there. For a long period of time contemplating life.  Trying to figure out how to stop being an adult before you even started.
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12. When you are worried you show up and either feel under dressed or over dressed for that job, but there is nothing you can do about it.  So you just have to be confident and act like you know exactly what you are doing.
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11. When you are trying to prove that you are an adult but you make it clear to everyone that you just aren’t.  But that’s okay, you must keep faking it until it actually becomes part of your reality.
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10. When they ask why you left your old job and if they can call for a reference.  Whether you left on a good or bad note, you do not want your potential new boss to speak with your manager from Abercrombie about your potential.
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9. When they ask you how well you work with other people but your leadership style isn’t the most traditional, so you try to explain it anyway.  (Sometimes what works in running your sorority chapter doesn’t work in the real world apparently)
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An Open Letter to my Childhood Best Friend

To my childhood best friend,
I owe you my life.  I am not sure how I can ever repay you for all that you have done for me but I need you to know what you mean to me.  You have been my therapist, partner in crime, and sister for the last seventeen years and I need you to know that just because our lives have grown separately does not mean I need you any less.  You are my cradle to grave, my soulmate and my person.  You were with me during the greatest moments of my life and took care of me through the worst.  You are the person whose absence would leave a huge gap in my life.  You are the greatest person I know and this is me saying thank you.
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Seventeen years ago we met and our lives changed in the most dramatic and amazing way possible.  Over those many years, we have managed to survive our awkward middle school years, trying to find ourselves in high school and our first efforts at “adulting” in college.  But more importantly we have survived first loves (and heartbreaks), celebrated great successes (and mourned terrible failures), and outlasted every other friendship we have ever had.  So for all of that, I have to thank you, because honestly I don’t know if I would have made it through with anyone else.
My life is a mess in so many ways and you of all people know that.  I am crazy, embarrassing, and sometimes I don’t even know what to do, but you always do.  Even now when we live hours apart, you still manage to be the person that I can always turn to.  Whether it is to make fun of the people from high school, vent about our parents when we are home for such a short time or just trying to figure out what our lives hold, it is always you that is on the other end of the phone.
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I continue to be beyond blessed to have been able to survive college with you as well.  Four years ago, when we said goodbye and cried in your driveway for at least fifteen minutes (after a night of trying to figure out how to be cool in college) I was scared that we would drift apart.  While I knew our friendship is stronger than that, everyone tells a different story about them and their childhood friends.  The thought of being apart for four years after living down the street for eighteen terrified me.  But we made it through even though others didn’t.  Our friendship grew stronger as we grew older, more confident and finally began to figure out who we are.
But I think the most difficult thing for both of us was gaining the understanding that we will now have separate lives.  We each had our friends from school, our homes away from home and a new life that took over the majority of the old one.  However, I think over time we both realized that we will never be completely separate from each other.  We grew together and will continue to do just that.
You have been my life’s constant.  While everything around me is getting crazier by the second, you have been there to keep me grounded and remind me of who I am.  You will forever be my person to call in an emergency, depend on in times of need and just look to for some joy.  You are my dearest friend and I can’t thank you enough for everything you have done for me throughout my life.  I can’t wait to see where we end up but it has been one hell of a ride so far.
Love always,
Your best friend
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The Competition Between You and Your Best Friend’s Boyfriend

As we all know, you and your best friend are cuter than most couples.  You will never see one of you without the other and more importantly neither of you want to be away from each other. Whether it’s the separation anxiety or just plain FOMO, you spend your whole life together. Until one day something horrible happens.  She gets a boyfriend.  Now it is not just you and her but you have to share her with someone.  Share her time, her attention, and her love. If you are reading this and think I sound crazy then you A. have not found your person yet or B. she has never had a boyfriend.  In these situations, your reactions are highly similar to that of a jealous girlfriend.  And as any jealous person knows, this is when the competition begins.  At this time you will begin quietly competing for your best friend’s time and attention but also trying to one up your competition by knowing your best friend a million times better than him (because duh you do).  This competition runs a very fine line of good-hearted fun and seriously competitive challenges but never the less you will obviously win.  And for those of you who have not yet experienced this, here are the five stages of competition with your best friend’s boyfriend.
Stage 1: Single- This is the best time to be around your best friend. She is single and not looking for anything serious.  This means that you get your partner in crime and she is wild.  She may flirt with some guys on and off but there is nothing serious going on.  She is all about her friends and lucky you, you have no one yet to compete with.  It is just you and her against the world and neither of you could be any happier.  All is good!
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Stage 2: Talking- So it happened, your single best friend met someone.  It is still nothing too serious but he is slowly becoming more present in her life, and in turn yours.  She is still willing to go out, have fun, and party hard but may spend more time on her phone talking to said man.  Neither of you know him too well just yet but you are starting to hear more and more.  Maybe it is just the mention of his name and the debrief after they hangout or it has gotten serious and you are now being informed of his life story, either way, he is becoming more prevalent in both of your lives.
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Stage 3: Friendship- And now your best friend and said boy have decided that they’re in love and have made things official. While they are both super happy, there is part of you that just isn’t.  Now you just want her to be happy, you don’t want to lose her to someone else so you try to make friends.  Since they are spending almost all of their time together, you happen to be there sometimes when they hangout and therefore you and him have developed a civility towards each other.
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Stage 4: Jealously- Now maybe it has been a few weeks or months since they have been dating but now there has been a shift.  Your best friend has been spending even more time with her boyfriend and less with you.  They are in love and that is okay but you are also not invited to hangout with them anymore either.  This reason being that he is also very jealous of your friendship.  You have known her longer, you spend more time together and frankly she obviously likes you more.  But all of this leads to a clearly visible tension between you two.
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Stage 5: Defeat- Awkward tensions aside, you and your best friend’s boyfriend both care dearly about her and have that in common.  You both may be able to move on from the jealously on one condition, he admits that you always come first.  In the end you will win because whether the relationship lasts or not, you will always remain her best friend.  He must accept his own defeat and then you all can move on and be one happy family.
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You love and care for your best friend with all of your heart but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to love her boyfriend.  But you do have to tolerate him while ensuring the happiness of your best friend.  I joke about the competition for your friends time and attention which is all true but at the end of the day, you best friend is the most important person in both of your lives and that means you can put aside whatever differences you have to make her happy.  But know that you will always be in her life whether she is in a relationship or not.

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To Women Everywhere: Stop Waiting for Prince Charming

“It’s okay if your life isn’t going well.  If you wait long enough, your prince will come on his white horse and save you from the hell you’ve been living in.”  That is the message we all grew up hearing from Disney movies and fairy tales.  Now I love these as much as the next person, but they all seem to be missing one very important message: No one will come to save you until you are able to save yourself. One of the largest issues for women in our generation is that many of them are constantly waiting for someone else to give them the life that they wish for.  I cannot lie to you and tell you I have never done that before myself.  When those days come where nothing seems to be going right and I just want to change my name and start over, I hope that someone else will come fix all of my problems.  But that is the exact mentality that has been keeping my life stagnant and continuing to give me those days.

Flashback to my freshmen year of college.  As anyone who knew me then can tell you, I was a complete mess.  I came to college with very little real world experience and severe anxiety about what I was getting myself into.  However, what I did have was a huge crush on a boy back home.  We all have one of these, the guy that you know is completely wrong for you. You don’t even know why you want him, and your friends absolutely hate him.  But for some reason in your ignorant little mind, you need him.  So there I was, completely out of my comfort zone and madly in “love”.  I used this relationship to solve all of my problems.  I was homesick, stressed, and just extremely unsure of myself, but at that point all that mattered was that I had him because I thought he fixed all of that.  I spent over a year blissfully in love until he broke my heart and all of the problems that I thought he had solved were back and worse than ever.  But now in addition to that, I thought I couldn’t survive without him and no matter what I did, I still did not have him.  So I was then by myself with more problems than I began with.  If you talk to my freshmen year roommate and my sister, they can tell you I was a pathetic mess for an embarrassingly long amount of time (shout out to you two for being the real MVPs).  And then I had an epiphany: I realized that the fact that I was using a man to solve my problems only ended up causing me more.

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A Thank You to my Pledge Sisters

To my crazy, beautiful, strong pledge sisters,

Three years ago, I started this new journey unaware of what I was getting myself into.  Over the course of one week, I went through recruitment and entered into a group of women who I barely knew.  I walked into the room on bid day to screaming and hugging and lots of pictures all with my new sisters.  I am naturally shy and this situation was far out of my comfort zone. But I managed to recognize a few faces who I would later find out were you all, my pledge sisters.

I remember the first day we had a meeting and I walked into a room full of familiar faces but names that I didn’t yet know.  My heart was pounding as our list of membership requirements were explained to us.  My mind was spinning as I thought about whether this was the right decision but as I looked at all of your faces, you seemed just as nervous as I was.  And for some reason, I felt a sense of comfort in that.

Entering any sorority is a life changing adventure that I wasn’t sure I was prepared for.  I had always been an extremely timid child but I joined to try to break out of my shell, and thanks to you all I did.next

 

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