And maybe you were right. Maybe I’m not as special as I thought I was before we met. Maybe I’m not destined for greatness. Maybe my dreams were too big. But because of you, I will never figure those things out for myself. I don’t have the freedom to fail, because every time I do, all I can see is the smug look on your face. I can’t see my failures as opportunities. I only see myself proving you right. You took that away from me, but I also willingly gave it to you. I didn’t take my self-worth out of your hands when I still could, and it affects every second of my life. Every choice I make is colored with you. And you don’t deserve that. My decisions are valid and precious, and you aren’t worthy of being a part of them. I keep telling myself that, anyway.
This may surprise you, but I also have to thank you. You taught me early on that you can’t trust people just because they’re supposed to be good. You taught me that power corrupts. You taught me that heartbreak doesn’t always come from a boy you have a crush on. You taught me that sometimes, promises are totally empty. You taught me that I can get back up again, despite being knocked down for the thousandth time. You taught me that sometimes, paving your own way is more rewarding than following the traditional path. And I learned all of that before my eighteenth birthday.
In the wise words of my girl T-Swift, “one day, I’ll be living in a big old city, and all you’re ever gonna be is mean.”
So thanks for nothing, and thanks for everything.
Just a small town girl living in a lonely world. Millikin University. Tri Delta. Lover of all things Taylor Swift. Alexander Hamilton is my favorite founding father.
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