My roommates signature move is to barge into my room unannounced, dive bomb my bed and straddle me as she yells, “LET’S F***ING PARTY!” We’ve been roomies for two wonderful years, and it’s been quite an adventure. I party quite frequently, but I’m no match for her. If your roomie is a partier, here’s a few things you’ll have to get used to as the “responsible” one.
13. Hearing the post-game arrive at 3am on a Wednesday. The dollar beer special wasn’t enough to satisfy these party animals. They need to return to my apartment to blast “Fat Lip” by Sum 41 and crush another 30 rack before their 9am class tomorrow.
12. Picking her up from the party. Sometimes she drunk types the address wrong and sends me 6 miles in the opposite direction. Sometimes I pick her up the morning after the party.
11. Cleaning the sticky counter. After every pregame full of spilled shots and card games, I have to salvage what’s left of my card deck and wipe down the counter just to enjoy a bowl of cereal without my spoon sticking to the counter.
10. Listening to midday vom sessions. I’m just in my bed reading something for class and can’t concentrate because I hear my roommate dry heaving in the bathroom. Honestly, I’m used to it by now.
9. Dealing with drunk drama sessions. Without fail, she comes into my room every night when I’m dead asleep, crawls onto my bed and tells me literally every detail about the night whether I asked or not.
8. Not knowing if people are sleeping on your couch. Every morning I peek out my door to the couch to check if any drunkies passed out there, or if it’s safe to start making eggs in my towel.